Long time.....

Dear Baby,

It's been a long time since i've written. A lot has happened in that time, we had our first round of IVF, which as you can probably guess from the fact that i'm back, was not successful. We moved house and Mommy got a new job which is going really well.

We're now about to start round 2 of IVF. Any day now, i'll call the clinic to let them know we failed again this month and I can start the drugs. Deep joy.

I always knew IVF would be hard. I didn't ever for one second appreciate just how hard. Particularly when it doesn't work. The worst part is when everyone knows you're doing it and it doesn't work, no one knows what to say. No one contacts you. In one way it's a good thing as it gives you time to grieve. Will we tell everyone this time round? I don't know. It's something we're thinking hard about now.

People seem to have given up on it ever happening for us now and to be honest I can't blame them - sometimes, quite often lately, we feel the same. We have more good days than bad days now, certainly more good days than when we first started this journey. I guess we're accepting it may never happen for us. Let's face it, after 24 months and 33 cycles, it's unlikely now.

Your Auntie Sharon is pregnant again. After 'struggling' for 6 months. I don't mean to be mean baby, but this journey has turned me into a bitter person whose incapable of being happy for anyone now who has what we so badly want. I actually hate random strangers who walk past me with their big pregnant bellies - they probably coughed and fell pregnant. See, horrible person.

Your clothes and moses basket are in storage now. It was getting too painful to have them in the house. They're there tho in case you want to make an appearance. Who knows, you may even bring a little brother or sister with you......

Love Mom

xxx