Hope

Dear Baby, It's been a long time since i've written but not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about you and missed you. Daddy & I have done a lot in the last 19 months and you've always been right there in our thoughts. Baby, you're going to have a little brother or sister! It's early days yet and mummy and daddy are very nervous but hopeful. We'll talk to them about you and let them know how special you were to us. Love, Mom x

Dear Baby,

Well, here we are, a new year. Everyone tells us 'this year will be better. It won't. We've had news which gives us no choice but to accept that we will probably never be parents.

Today is day 885 since we started trying for you. 29 cycles. 2 1/2 years. Such a long time. Less than 1% of couples in our position ever succeed in having a baby of their own.

I've had some good days. I thought I was feeling better but lately theres a big cloud. It's hard to get out of bed sometimes. I wonder whats the point? I don't want to see anyone, I just want to spend time with Daddy. Daddy knows how I feel. We're coming up to the point where you should have been 20 weeks in my tummy. I can't help counting the milestones. I can't forget them, they're ingrained.

I miss you baby, I really do.

Love, Mom x

Dear Baby,

Mom had an operation this week to fix a problem i've had for years. The poor recovery nurse! All I could do when I came round from the anesthetic was cry!

Since then i've had a lot of time to think which is never a good thing for me.

I'm on bed rest for a week and i've already run out of internets! Oh, and to top it all off, despite the fact we thought we'd be more fertile following the miscarriage, and really went for it, thinking this was our one shot to fall naturally, if it was ever going to happen, it was now etc. etc...... AF showed this morning.

We're into 29 months of trying for you now baby. It really should be more simple than this. We never stop hoping.

Love, Mom

What Makes a Mother?

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear
My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons are through
And on the day you come home
they'll be at the gates for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth
May not realize
Until their time is done
Remember all the love you have
And know that you are
A Special Mom

Dear Baby,

It's been a month since my last post and sadly in that time, you left us. 3 1/2 weeks ago, you died. It's been a very difficult time for Daddy & I.

We're so angry. Angry that our treatment worked then you were taken away from us. I was pregnant for 10 short days, but in the time after I lost you, I missed you so badly. I still miss you so much it physically hurts. I miss the pains I had in my tummy as you were growing. I miss being pregnant.

We can't see a future from here with you in it. We've had all our goes on the NHS and by the time we've saved up for another go, it will probably be too late for Mommy's eggs.

I don't know where we go from here Baby. I hope you're playing with all the other babies that were gone too soon, wherever you are. Know that we loved you so, so much and will never forget you.

Love Mom x

The day we thought would never come.....

Dear Baby,

Well, today is exactly a year since we received confirmation that we had our funding for IVF. Today is also official test day (OTD) Guess what?

You're here!!!!! Well, you're not here (yet) but you're in my belly!) I'm pregnant!!!

I've got to be honest, we've known for a few days. Of course Mommy caved and tested early.

I was going to post a picture here but I can't get it off my phone :(

So, we're 4+2 today. We have a scan booked for 14th November when we will be 7+0 and we should get to see you for the first time. Maybe you'll have a little brother or sister with you and we'll have twins (heaven help us) To say i'm excited is a little bit of an understatement lol.

So Baby, you heard us, you chose us, now all we want is for you to stay with us. We SO can't wait to meet you Baby.

Love,
Mom xxx

Dear Baby(ies?)

Well, you should be well snuggled in by now both of you. Mommy is 9 days past a 2 day transfer (9dp2dt) and was lucky enough to have 2 put back! No ice babies tho sadly. This last week has been SO hard. The waiting is killing us. Did it work, did it not. All my symptoms have gone now and I tested yesterday (naughty) and nothing.

Maybe you're both late developers hey? That'd make sense - you are my beans after all.

OK, mommy has to go to work now but come on guys - snuggle deeper - we're nearly there.....

Love,
Mom x