Dear Baby,

Well, you guessed it. We didn't manage it this month. Onto try number 15. It's getting wearying now. I'm starting to loose all hope and I know your daddy is getting down about it all too.

We have your Daddy's next sperm test date through - 23rd September. Feels like ages away. We won't get the results through until October now.

It's getting harder to write on here as the time goes on. I feel like i'm repeating myself. I want to be positive but each month that passes, it gets harder.

Baby, we want you now more than ever, but every day that passes leaves us feeling you're further away....

Love, Mom x

Dear Baby,

I'm sorry I haven't posted recently. It's hard. It's really hard.

This month we really thought we'd done it. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. It's not that easy tho is it?

I've had all the symptoms. My body is really starting to play tricks on me. Part of me thinks this is it, the other half of me thinks it'll never happen. 12 DPO today and I tested. BFN, but found out afterwards the test I took wasn't sensitive enough. I could give it a few days but really, after 14 cycles, what's the point? We haven't managed it so far so what makes me think we've done it this time?

Baby, we're beginning to give up on you .....

Love, Mom x

Dear Baby,

Well, the results are in. It looks like we're both broken :-( Mummy has low quality and or low quantity eggs and is not ovulating all the time and Daddy has only 7% good swimmers. The other 93% have either no head or no tail. So if any of the 7% actually make it up there, there's no egg or a poor quality one for them to fertilise.

We're being sent for re tests, but if they come back the same, it's unlikely we'll manage this on our own.

So here we go with more waiting. 3 more months until we get the results back. You're not gonna make this easy for us are you?

Love, Mom x

Dear Baby,

Its been a while since I've written. Lots of things going on but nothing much in the world of trying to "meet" you.

The witch is visiting currently - not a surprise really given the timing of your Daddy's tests. We really weren't hopeful this month, which made it easier and I haven't cried! (or wasted 3 tests - none in fact as the witch was 3 days earlier than expected!) Speaking of which, we're booked in to get the results on Wednesday next week. We phoned the doctors today to make sure the results are back - they are. All the receptionist would say is that the doctor needs to see us and there is a re-test needed.

All this time i've wanted them to find something (small) wrong and now that's a possibility, I have really mixed feelings.

On the one hand if it is a problem, they can fix it surely? On the other - what if they can't. Where do we go then? What are our options? I really can't think about that right now.

Baby, if you could choose a time to show yourself - the next 2 weeks would be a really good time.

Love, Mom x