Dear Baby,

Not much to report really. I haven't forgotten about you though. We're doing everything we can to bring you to us.

We love you already.

Love, Mom x

Dear Baby,

Disaster! We've worked out that your daddys sperm tests are due right in the middle of my fertile time! This would be great except he has to "abstain" for 3-5 days prior!!!

I think we're out for this month and onto cycle 14 :-(

Will we EVER get to meet you?

Love, Mom x

Dear Baby, 

Well here we go on cycle 13 (lucky for some!) with renewed vigour!  

My baby making cocktail now consists of the following: 1 pregnacare, 1 evening primrose oil until OV and 1.5 soy isoflavones on CD3-7.  

The soy is the one i'm excited about, it's supposed to mimic clomid, which is the drug we'll likely be given by the docs if all our tests come back clear next month.  I've researched into it and it won't do any harm so i'm giving it a go.  77% of women who were having difficulty, conceived on their first cycle with it so i'm hopeful.  I took my first dose last night (taking it at night to try and ward off some of the more unwelcome side effects - nausea, hot flushes and mood swings!)

Daddy isn't left out either.  He's been moved from normal vitamins to conception vitamins for men which he was overjoyed at.  Only kidding.  Your daddy has been extremely supportive throughout all this.  Most men would have run away by now with the extremes i'm going to but he's still here, rooting for us.  He wants to meet you as much as I do. 

In other news, although we're incredibly sad that you're not here yet, we're trying to take a step back and appreciate the good things in our lives.  Our friends are a huge part of that.  You have lots of honourary Aunties and Uncles who are also being incredibly supportive and can't wait to meet you. 

Come on baby, don't make us wait any longer.   

Love, Mom x 

Dear Baby, 

So you're not ready to come join us just yet?  Aunt flo (AF, aka the witch) flew in yesterday morning with a vengance.  It's almost as if it's taunting me each month.  Lets take a look at what you could've won!

Yesterday wasn't a good one for me for that reason.  It was spent crying or mooching around the house, mainly because I was convinced that the 12th cycle would be it.  We couldn't have timed everything more perfect.  Still, here we go now onto our 13th try.  Your daddy says 13 has always been lucky for him...... 

We're giving something new a try this month.  Theres a herbal drug you can get that mimics one of the fertility drugs so we've ordered some.  Aparrently on one site, 77% of women who tried it got their BFP (big fat positive) in the first month.  Those odds are good enough for me.  The only downside (yeah, right) is it can increase our chances of a multiple birth.  Ah well. Lol.  

This month baby, are you ready yet?  We are.

Love, Mom x 

Dear Baby, 

Let me start by saying, if you're in there, and you've hung on through all the drugs i've had to take this week then you're a fighter!  Mommy's been quite ill this week with a nasty condition which thankfully seems to be clearing up now thanks to 3 types of antibiotics and strong painkillers. 

I got my results back from the first fertility blood tests and they appear to be fine.  One down, one to go then it's Daddy's turn (hehehe) 

You'd think the doctors would know what they're talking about wouldn't you, but a couple of things have happened recently which has made me realise this isn't always the case.  The first was my GP telling me to stop taking my temperature and charting every day, which according to someone i've been talking to who had fertility treatment is totally wrong.  She was advised the same thing by her GP but didn't stop.  When she was finally referred to the nice man at the fertility clinic, he told her thank goodness she didn't stop or he'd have sent her away for 3 months whilst she gathered data!  So tomorrow, out comes the thermometer and monitor and I get to wake up stupidly early again every morning to take my temperature and then pee on a stick to see if my body is behaving this month.  If i'm honest, I quite like knowing what's going on, I feel more in control. 

The other incidence was this week when I went to the hospital about the pain I was in.  The nurse asked if I could be pregnant.  I said I bloody hoped so after all this time so she said she'd test me.  I explained to her it would be too early but she asked a few questions and said it would be fine.  Anyone who'se trying for a baby as hard as we are, knows that implantation doesn't take place until at least 7-10 DPO (days past ovulation).  At the time I was only roughly 6-9 DPO.  So she tests and it's negative (of course) and I get all upset again.  Silly woman!  

Never mind, I get to test properly in a few days if the witch stays away (be gone Aunt Flo, you're not welcome in this house!).  Not that i'm SS'ing (symptom spotting) at all (oh come on - I wouldn't be a true infertile if I didn't symptom spot every single month!) but this months symptoms include enhanced sense of smell and i'm right off tea and coffee all of a sudden.  New symptoms for me.  Anyone who knows me knows i'm a tea belly, although since I gave up caffine for you I haven't enjoyed it quite as much.

Anyway, i'll be back in a few days - hopefully with the news that you're on your way, but if not, to rant and rave at how unfair it all is and come up with a new plan of attack.  

Love, Mom x