Dear Baby,

I just posted a great big long post about what we've been up to in the last 6 months and how i'm dreading my op on Monday but it was deleted.

So yeah, Monday. Not looking forward to it. I'm starting to accept we may never meet you now and that's OK. I have peace for the first time in a long time, but am worried that once we start our treatment that will all change and i'll go back to the space I was in 6 months ago. I don't want to go back there. For all the people who said they understood, no one really did and it's a lonely place.

We have one chance coming up baby to meet you. One chance and i'm not liking our odds. How does someone like me, who wants someone like you so badly stay sane through all this?

Love, Mom xxx