Dear Baby,

Tonight i'm feeling defeatist. I'm angry. I'm angry for reasons i'm not willing to share on here. I feel like i've been taken for a mug though.

Tomorrow I have my bloods taken and i've drunk half a bottle of vodka and a glass of wine so far. I'm not sure what I think it will achieve but i'm angry and i'm drunk. For now, I guess that will do.

I have to admit, i'm not too sure how I should be dealing with this. Some days i'm sad. some i'm angry. Some days I wake up not thinking about it and those day I feel guilty. Tonight? I'm angry. Really angry.

Have I said no one knows how we feel? we're grieving but monthly. For something that doesn't happen for us.

Baby, if we found you this month, I think we'd both drop down dead in shock.

Love, Mom x