Dear Baby,

Jealousy is a terrible, terrible emotion. As is bitterness. I'm both jealous and bitter right now. I'm jealous of anyone who is pregnant, has ever been pregnant and will ever get pregnant. I'm bitter that it's taken us as long as it has and it will probably take us a lot longer and at the end of it all, we may still never have our own baby.

I'm a member of several infertility forums now and the one thing i'm sick to the back teeth of, is seeing girls on there, who already have one baby, moaning about it's been 6 months and they can't conceive another.

Big fucking deal. You have a healthy baby. If you never fall pregnant again, at least someone will still call you Mom. Or what about those trying for a boy/girl. You know what? Just give me "A" fucking baby. I don't care what colour it is as long as it's ours and it's healthy.

Daddy always wanted 2 children, but we've both said recently as long as we have one, neither of us are sure we can go through this again. It's been a hard, emotionally draining experience so far and it's only going to get worse from now on.

Mommy wasn't always this bitter baby, and when we finally get to meet you, this person will be long gone. I hope....

Love, Mom x