Dear Baby,

Well, the results are in and they're not good. We've been told that it's very unlikely we'll conceive you by ourselves. Daddy's SA was much worse than last time. Our wonderful doctor has referred us to the fertility clinic and we should have an appointment within 8 weeks.

Everyone thinks this is great news. I don't have the heart to tell them it's the beginning of a very short road. Unfortunately with Daddy's results IUI is not likely to be an option for us and we would have been funded for 3 goes of that.

It's more likely our only option is IVF with ICSI - a procedure that we only get one funded go on the NHS. Not only that, but they used to freeze any embies for later transfer as part of the one cycle, but at the end of September (I can't tell you how mad I am at this) they changed it to one fresh implant and one frostie implant. All other embies will be destroyed or we'll have to pay for them to be implanted ourselves. We missed it by one fucking month (scuse Mommy's language)

Right now i'm feeling like we only have one real shot at getting to meet you. We can't afford to fund this ourselves. What happens if our one go doesn't work?

I wish I could go back to 6 months ago - we still had hope then.....

Love, Mom x